I really should be studying right now, but I want to write.
I can’t ignore it. There’s something inside of me that needs to come out, but I’m not sure what.
I suppose I’d like to tell you about my day. We’ve never done that before, but I’m sure you’ll keep reading out of curiosity.
A Strange October 17th…
This morning I went to get a mandatory flu shot from the employee health nurse – who also happens to be my friend’s mom. She asked me if I was planning another trip. I said, yes. I contemplating a trip this December, but I’m not sure where I want to go. She gave me the “worried mom look” and cautioned me be “be careful” and “go somewhere safe, this time.” I thought about this.
Why all the concern for safety? Why all the barriers? Is it so we can pretend like we don’t have a great need? I like not being safe when I travel. I’m placed outside of my element. I’m 100% dependent on the generosity and kindness of others.
I assured her that every time I have travelled, God has gone with me. I am never alone. I set myself up to have a great need – and God delivers. Every. Time.
I need friends? Done. I need protection? Done. I need a translator? Done. I need a place to sleep at night? Done. I need a cab ride? Done. I need food? Done.
Later that day…
I made a crucial error at work. I can admit the frailty of my humanity – but it hurts my ego. I make mistakes.
We like to downplay our weaknesses and failures as humans. We like to act like we’ve got it all together – like we’re sufficient for the task.
Sometimes you’re not.
I was teaching a 4 hour diabetes education class today when I misread the clock and dismissed class one hour early. That’s a big deal. ONE HOUR?!?! I understand 15 minutes early, but an hour.
No one said anything. They just left.
I made a really stupid mistake. Because of my mistake, the diabetes center will suffer, my patients will suffer, and the hospital will suffer (I’ve just cost them 6 hours of billable time).
Sometimes it’s a bummer being human.
Luckily, my day changed…
I have an adopted little sister from Russia. She is extra loving. Today, she turned four. I stopped by to see them at the mall and she was estatic to see me.
I was estatic to see her, too. Normally, I feel bad because I just want to kiss her ALL THE TIME. I’m sure she gets tired of it; but I don’t get to see her that often, and she’s so CUTE.
I gave her a fair share of kisses and hugs, but she didn’t wriggle away. She stayed in my arms and would sneak me extra kisses and hugs when I wasn’t paying attention. It’s like she knew I needed it.
We were playing in the food court at the mall when a couple walked by us. They were the kind of people that probably didn’t have much money, the woman was in a motorized wheelchair and they both seemed to have lots of health issues, possibly mental issues, possible substance abuse issues. They were the kind of people that you usually steer your kids away from.
I was playing with Karina and laughing as she tried to tag me. They stopped to watch, smiling. We noticed them and mentioned that today was a very special day. Today was her BIRTHDAY.
The man got down on his knees and explained that his birthday was in a few days and that they were “birthday buddies.” He held out his dirty hand for my sister to high five. Most kids would have been trained to be scared of a stranger like him, not my little sister (or me). She smiled up at him and high fived him. He blew her a kiss and she blew him one back.
I’m pretty sure she made his week.
What is this obession with safety and perfection? What is this pervading feeling of mistrust?
Bad things happen. I get that.
But, good things happen, too.
In church last Sunday, the message was about how God reveals himself to us in different levels. He gives what we’re ready to recieve. He is limitless – but if we can’t trust in a little, we’re not ready for a lot.
Maybe the reason you don’t think God can do great things is because you haven’t been ready to recieve the little He’s tried giving you. What if you’re shutting Him out? What if you’re the brakes? What if you’re so busy trying to give off the impression that you’re capable and perfect, that you forget your great need?
It’s dangerous to feel safe. It’s dangerous to get comfortable.
We’re meant to stretch. We’re meant to be put in situations of great need. How else can God show us how mighty he truly is?
Just a few thoughts and reflections from October 17th…
I hope you’ll accept these ramblings and put some thought into a few areas that you can afford to show God your need for Him.
We are not sufficient. We cannot do this alone.
Stop pretending and ask for help.