Every believer goes through ebbs and flows of belief and unbelief.
It happens to me just like it happens to everyone else. For some people, it can happen when something really bad happens. A person might question, “How could God allow this to happen?”
Not me. I’m strong in my belief during bad times.
I tend to slip when everything is going well – a little too well.
That moment when I think I can handle it all on my own and when my pride starts taking over my need, I start to struggle. Of course, I don’t always realize that I’m struggling. There are so many things that can distract me from the lack of faith I have in God.
So many things to do… people to see… and I don’t feel wrong because I’m still going to church. Usually, I don’t notice it’s happening until subtle differences start to kick in:
- During church services, I struggle to sing along. I love to sing. Why would I struggle? I don’t want to engage. I don’t want to participate. I’m not in the movement. I’m apart from the movement (by my own choice).
- My letters to God begin to dwindle – I’m not as concerned about what he would have for my life -I’m busy thinking about what I would have for my life.
- I want to make my own choices. I want to choose my own path. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.
Eventually, the “I have it all in control” or rebellion feeling wears off; and when that happens, I tend to crash. But it’s not over yet…. I look for someone to BLAME.
Instead of looking inside myself for the problem, I have a tendency to start blaming others. YOU are the reason why my relationship with God is fading. The CHURCH is the reason why my relationship with God is fading. My FRIENDS/FAMILY lack of faith is the reason why my relationship with God is fading.
It’s always been me.
No one can make you walk away from God. And by the same token, we’re not called to only be surrounded by those people that are “good influences” on our life. There is a certain variety to everything in life. When Christians only hang out with Christians – they’re missing the point. We’re called to be among the world. But instead we’re scared of people that believe things differently than our own beliefs.
I realized that no one has pulled me away from God. I let myself wander away from God when I pointed fingers of blame, when I forgot to love, when I focused on being “right,” when I excluded instead of included, and when I allowed other things to take up my time I previously set aside for God.
We can choose differently. I can choose differently.
Next time you think of putting the blame on someone else, think again. It might be you.
Thank God for loving us even though all we want to do is think of ourselves. There are so many days I do not feel worthy of this grace.