You know this may surprise people in Philly… but when I tell people in MISSOURI that I’m moving, they ask “Why Philly???”
Of course, I have the answer in my head and the answer I say out loud.
I usually say something about how I need a change of pace or that I have friends in Philly. But, while this is TRUE, it’s not technically the reason I’m moving.
I’m moving because God told me Philly is where I need to be. It’s really that simple.
God talks to you?
Throughout my faith journey, these “talking” events have defined my relationship with God. I don’t know if I’m really good at listening (probably not) or just a person God wants to use really badly; because every now and then, I’ll feel like God is asking me to do something specific. It’s similar to a little tickle in the back of my mind. Unfortunately, these things that God asks me to do are somewhat intimidating and uncomfortable. So, I start off by doing my best to ignore it and then wait for the tickling to grow into a polite tapping, an insistent patting, or finally a thump over the top of my head.
Pathetic, I know. But ,I am human.
The truth is – I knew I was going to move to the East Coast last February, but it’s taken me until August to trust it and October to actually do it. I tried so hard to convince myself that the tickling was wrong. After all, a person who’s supposed to move to Philly doesn’t get great opportunities in Missouri. Right? Wrong.
Turning down great opportunities are a part of life.
In March, I was accepted into MU Journalism Program for my masters program. I was also accepted into the MU Nutrition program. My plan was to build a really fancy resume and become a Nutrition Journalist. The location was nice because I already had friends and family nearby and it wouldn’t require much change. But, change wasn’t the real issue. What I really had to get over was the fact that I felt SPECIAL. You know the Journalism program at Mizzou is one of the top in the country. It’s pretty difficult to get into. I thought surely it was a sign that the tickling in the back of my mind was all wrong. Surely, I was meant to stay in Missouri for at least another three years.
I followed the path to journalism school for the summer. I thought I was going. I TOLD people I was going. But, all I was trying to do was to make it seem more “right” and “cool.” I thought the more people I could get excited about it , the more excited I would become.
I wasn’t excited and I knew I wasn’t going – even though I had been dreaming and planning for journalism school 1-2 years prior. As I got closer and closer to the date, it felt more and more wrong. I thought, “Why am I dreading it?”
I went through some turmoil at home around the same time journalism school was about to start and I ended up hitting rock bottom. At this point, I feel like God was actually being nice when he thumped me over the head. As I was crying about the state of affairs in my life, God told me he had a different plan for me. He told me to go to the East Coast. Trust Him.
God Prepared a Way for Me
I didn’t want to fight God’s plan anymore.
I turned down journalism school and started applying for jobs on the East Coast the very next day. LOTS of jobs. But the only TWO jobs that actually interviewed me happened to be about a mile away from where my (one and only) friend in Philly (who also happens to also be my ex-boyfriend) lives and works.
Well, I got the job.
As soon as I got hired for a part time position in Abington, I put in my resignation at work. A simple sentence to type, but let me just say, it was hard. I LOVE my work at the Diabetes Center. I LOVE my co-workers.
Never fear, reader! God provided for me. My new boss is one of the nicest, down-to-earth people I’ve met in a long time. It’s really refreshing to be around her. The other great thing about meeting her is that she is an encourager. She’s encouraged me to follow my dreams while I’m out in Abington and connected me with several other dietitians in the area to start my own private practice. Having my own private practice seems like a dream. I get to set my own hours? I get to set my own pay? I get to be CREATIVE in my job? Done. Done. Done.
It’s all really nice, but I’m still a little scared.
There’s a pattern in the Bible stories. It’s a pattern of God directing his people and the people hearing the direction and doubting it. God called Moses and Moses said, “No! I am a bumbling fool, pick someone else.” God called Jonah and Jonah said, “No! That place is too dangerous, I’m going the opposite direction.” God called David and David said, “No! I am too little, don’t you want one of my brothers?”
Each of these three were specially made for the role they carried out. It doesn’t mean they did it perfectly, but the point is that they were able to do it at all. If God believes in you, that is enough.
Humans doubt. I think in some ways we want to be special and in some ways we wish we could have no responsibility at all. That way we can’t “mess it up.”
As I’m gearing up to leave, I feel some doubt and fear setting in and I know it’s just that human part of me trying to override that Godly part of me. You see, I don’t have very much CONTROL in this situation. Sometimes that makes us feel uncomfortable.
But, I know control is overrated and an illusion. Control is a lie we tell ourselves. God’s in control. He always has been. It’s never been you. It’s never been me. It’s always been God.
My life is NOT about me. I believe the reason for my presence is to help build God’s kingdom. My role is to be the worker, NOT the project manager. As a worker, I’m dependent on direction because I’m limited in what I understand and what I imagine to be possible.
God can be in control – but only if we stop fighting for it. We have to let go and ALLOW Him to guide us.
So… why Philly? Why not Philly?
Philly is where I’m going to find out just how big and great God is. Philly is going to be where I learn more about my mission and calling in this world. Philly is going to be the place that I test the limits I thought existed – and perhaps, I will find out they were imaginary all along.
And because I am a single woman in my child bearing years, I will also include the possibility that Philly is the place where I will fall in love with a like-minded single male. Heck! If through all of this, I find a husband in the process – then “God bless America!” ;)
(Disclaimer: If I’m meant to live a life married to God instead, then God Bless America anyway! <–Just wanted to cover my bases. I didn’t want America to not feel blessed!)
There are no guarantees. But there never are…
You might ask yourself… Who/what has “control” in your life?